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Welcome to the personal website of a very curious citizen of earth.

Some Dates and Notes...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:32:06 -0700

I dream of a day when I finally come home
I see no more roads to roam
One day I'll be where I can grow old
One day I'll be where I don't... fear the cold.

and I'm always moving
Through body and mind

The scenes always changing
I wish I was blind

Take me home where the body can rest
I do believe I've passed the test
The girls where many
and the beer is gone
I fear I've been here way too long.

and the times are changing
Though I feel the same

The patterns are shifting
People going insane

I look around and shake my head
The men with me should be dead
Where we're going I don't care
The smoke is curling in the air
Time is all I have left
What is it we all have kept

The desperate are calling
refusing to sleep

The reaper is waiting
there are souls to keep.

The darkness curls all around
To the never I am bound
light the torch, hold it high
one day they'll see I am right

Scared of the cold, the women wail
The men and their pride
all will fail

Some still have Illusions of wealth
Most still live to satisfy the self.

Mother nature weens us 
may she have mercy
wise and just

The father waits
the end of the test
then I'll come home to rest

But thats what I see from where I'm at
feeling tested, proven
and still movin

What we think is the end
is normally the beginning
and what I think of as home
is just a rest
before becoming the best

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:18:58 -0700
Tue, 16 Feb 2010 09:13:22 -0700
```
Updated the about page.
```
Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:19:26 -0700
```
I created a thread.
```

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:18:44 -0700

There is a spiral
and a triangle
a circle
with a pentagram....
Symbols are the keys
but which one leads where?
Can we make them our own,
or does the collective sway?
I want to be satisfied,
but they say suffering is the way
The chaos is exciting
but tranquility keeps me sane.
The end of the world is near
yet the new age has just begun.
Everyone wants something new
Everyone wants the mother
to wash it all away.
We have more satisfaction at our fingertips
than ever before
yet no one is happy
everyone is insane.
I know right now
that I need to play 
a different kind 
of music.

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 06:17:42 -0700

Its been forever
feels like centuries
since she ran away
The sounds of rifles and mortars make up the ambiance
along with the usual sounds of a military airfield
Gunshots are exhilarating
but I still think of her
Letting go of her is an act in reprogramming my entire mind
...
and heart
I thought I had it figured out
I thought she had to be erased
if I ever wanted to feel that way again
The sounds of Apache gunfire compliment the thoughts of doubt
I'm no longer so sure
I'm no longer sure of anything anymore
yet I've been here before
though I don't remember what happens next
delirium
confusion
is all I have
Killing however,
has become instinct.

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 23:36:31 -0700

Take away all the simple 
shit
easy pleasure and expensive
awkwardness
submit yourself to the painful journey
embrace the shadow
love loneliness
lose everything you brought
with you
drop all you hang
onto
we must be cleansed
before we can transform
loneliness makes us harder
pain makes us stronger
the sharper edge 
doesn't always get the kill
and the most shoplifted book
is the bible

Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:52:34 -0700
```
 Daniel Richter
```
Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:30:03 -0700

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:52:32 -0700

Soon

Soon I will be waiting
stalking
my enemy

Soon
Soon I will be starving
waiting
stalking my enemy

Soon 
Soon I will be tired, starving
waiting
stalking
my enemy

Soon
Soon I will destroy my enemy

Its simple
Never again will I believe otherwise
Its simple

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:59:03 -0700

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:35:25 -0700

This is to the girl in the corner
This is to the beautiful
This is to good music
    behind those dark red headphones
forever complimenting the dark hair
and maroon nails
That which is most desired
in the corner
letting the world fly by in front of her
the men walk by
you catch their eye
but not their hearts
attracted to the blue flame in your eyes
matching the navy blue hoodie
my eyes are on you
but your used to it

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:45:45 -0700
```
Afghanistan





David Guttenfelder
```
Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:45:17 -0700
```
Skyleaf
```

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:25:48 -0700

I used to despise regret
but it can be a wonderful motivator
the only reason I need
to live a better life
from this moment onward
becoming the dream


or something like that....

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:59:14 -0700

I'm the addict on the corner
I'm the lawyer in the tower
I'm the body with the coroner
No, the leader with all the power
You're the pillow, the cool side
The sand during high tide
The cocktail, poolside
The water when clouds collide

From the inside out
We were formed
From the inside out
We will fall
Soon this all will come to an end...

Dredg - Sang Real


"Do you see it? Do you see you? What are you? What aren't you?"
  - Magari

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 04:53:37 -0700
```
:4: The father of it is the sun, the mother the moon. 






Men plauged with a feeling of no purpose
Women with hysteria
Both come to me easily

Some things I know intuitively
Yet I suffer endlessly for a cause
   or what I think may be my cause
    ....

Three becomes four
while five presents the challenge
overcoming we see heaven in seven
```
Wed, 21 Oct 2009 01:02:37 -0600

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:40:18 -0600

Taking into account the immense loss of resource and energy I find excuse after excuse to satisfy the
ego.Cursing the world around me for the cruelty it breeds. Belittling everyone and everything around me.
Nothing in this world could possibly suit me, bring me any pleasure. Everything is ugly. Everything is
beautiful.

"We never get the respect we deserve..."
"No one understands..."
"We work so hard and receive so little..."
"No one cares..."
"I gave so much of myself... Such a selfless person deserves better."
"Their sympathy sickens me..."
"How dare they look upon me..."
"Worthless little lives..."

The manic depression nips at my heels as I crawl, scraping my belly across the ground. I am the snake who
hasn't the energy to lift his own head. The most vile of serpents. Making my away as fast as I can. Inch by
painful inch, breathing dust and smoke.

"I must get out!" I tell myself. The beautiful hell I arrived in has sucked me dry, absolutely dry. With
barely enough water to moisten my eyes, I lick the air for a taste, but am left thin and dry. Drinking my
tears I crawl onward. I find the energy to lift my head and my skin cracks, begins to itch.

Amidst the darkness two towers rise on the horizon. Lit by the moon, they stand as two becons; a shining
gateway to a world ruled by a ghostly light. There one can see the many creatures of all nightmares dancing
in the shadows. By light of the moon these nightmares move about the dark forest beyond the towers.Quick
movements followed by terrifying screams. Slow movements accompanied by immense, thunderous roars. A crunch,
cackling, and wet tearing sounds remind me of sweet, sweet flesh being consumed bya pack of ravenous
scavengers.

I crawl forward, leaving one hell for another. At least this one doesn't lie, this one doesn't hide the
suffering it offers. I let my face fall to the earth, breathing dust and smoke. Forward I crawl, inch by
painful inch. My fingernails are practically nonexistent. My palms swollen, full of sand, blood, and thorns
from various vines I've had to crawl through. If I could see my feet and knees, they would probably look the
same.

My ego won't shut up.

"Fuck this place..."
"Fuck these people..."
"They don't deserve shit..."
"I refuse to die here, amongst these vampires..."
"These fake, ignorant creatures..."

I care not, it drives me forward, closer to death, closer to release. The sounds of nightmares grow closer
and I grow more and more anxious. So ready to be rid of this life, rid of these hells. My anger being the
only drive left in me. My body is barely alive, but my anger is stronger than ever. I wish I could become
it, the anger inside. Its so alive.

"The bastards took it all..."
"I tried to make the world a better place..."
"and they took it all..."
"I regret nothing..."
"I gave it my best shot..."
"Karma can suck my cock..."
"My placid... dry... cock.."

A single tear makes its way towards the surface and I thank god for depression, keeping my eyes moist
in this dusty hell. I close my eyes, kiss the ground, and continue to crawl forward. My whole body is numb
minus my face, which feels each grain of sand embedding itself below my skin. In the distance, the
nightmares grow louder. I can hear the crunching of bones, cackling of predators and screams of prey.
Terrifying at first, but my anger overcomes.

"Good..."
"I will feed myself to them..."
"Maybe they will appreciate it..."
"At least they live as they are..."
"Freaks, fiends, monsters..."
"At least these creatures accept it..."
"They won't lie to themselves..."
"They deserve my flesh..."
"My failed flesh..."

And onward I crawl. I crawl until my whole body is numb. I crawl until the screams are almost deafening.
I crawl until the end of my sad life stands before me. I cry, I choke, I cough blood all over the ground in
front of me. I lay in it, and crawl some more. I crack open an eye and see the towers standing proud before
me.

They almost stare at me, questioningly, as if debating amongst themselves whether I'm worth their time. The
moon sits almost perfectly between them in the sky. Full and bright, she gives both towers a reassuring nod.
They owe their beauty to her and I my entrance into her realm.

I gather what energy I have left to stand and face my fate like a man. Thats when I notice the river running
through the middle of the towers, right under the moon.

A most evil cackle, followed by a scream that would make stone cringe in fear fills my ears. I freeze,
struck to the core by the most overwhelming fear. A fear that makes my whole body cry and my mind freeze.

"I should never have come here..."
"Run, run, run..."
"Run, idiot, run..."
"Go back the way you came..."

The nightmare of all nightmares crawls out of the shadow and heads straight for me. My hair stands on end as
my mind attempts to come to grips with the fear and utter shock of the whole experience. Hair so black and
shiny, scales just as black in all the wrong places, horns, teeth, and eyes... oh the eyes staring right
through me. The nightmare is not here to consume, but to torture.

As a last minute reflex I dive into the river. Forgetting how to swim, or utterly exhausted, I begin to
sink. I can still hear the howls and screams from the shore. The thought of succumbing to the nightmare
motivates me to move, crawl, run, swim, do something to get as far away as possible, even if it takes
me further into the depths of the river.

Luckily I surface, my body revitalized by the water. A lone wooden raft floats my way and I crawl in and
lay on my back. Immediately above me is the moon big enough to almost cover the entire sky. I thank
it for the boat and the river and pass out, slowly losing consciousness amidst the screams of this
haunted land, letting the boat take me further and further into the unknown.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:39:26 -0600

Switching from red wine to warm cocoa...

The many thoughts that once filled my head run and hide, leaving me with nothing left to write about. All
the better, less dramatics. They say that chocolate holds key nutrients for spiritual growth. Either that or
spiritualists share a common love of chocolate. I used to think I had it all figured out. In a sense that I
knew that I knew nothing. I knew I was learning something. Something worth learning, something worth words.
As I am constantly reminded, the deepest understandings, the treasure at the bottom of the ocean, cannot be
expressed by a language that survives on the surface
of the sea. Our minds are the deepest of oceans and the majority of us ride the waves in makeshift rafts,
collecting the knowledge that bubbles to the surface. With this knowledge we improve our rafts, turning them
into boats, some become yachts or entire cruise ships. However these ships exist on the surface of things.
Some oceans are so violent we collect the knowledge needed to keep ourselves safe from the ravenous current
and nothing more. Locked inside our battleships we have no
room nor ability to collect anymore knowledge that may be floating to the surface. Then again some of us
wonder where all this knowledge comes from.

We dive deep into ourselves seeking the source of all we know, of all we are. We quickly discover that the
surface world of words with its predictable, logical nature comes from a deep, dark world of a seemingly
chaotic nature. We are possessed by confusion as we watch a thought from the depths dance out of nothing
into existence. We marvel at its simplicity and truth, but are at a loss when we can't bring it to the
surface so we can hold this understanding with words in our predictable, logical world. We cry when a thing
finally makes its way to the surface, something so beautiful and
enlightening, a personal treasure that brings us close to god becomes another mundane piece of the world of
words.

We build our own submarines to explore the depths of ourselves, starting out with the light from above to
explore our way immediately under the surface. As we sink however, a new kind of darkness surrounds us and
we have to find our own light inside ourselves. We travel the depths seeking the beautiful understandings
that bring us close to god, close to the only truth we ever wanted to know. In the depths we experience both
the beauty and ugliness of these new understandings. Frightened by the monsters inside us we come back to
the surface, fearing that we might swallow
ourselves whole. When we begin to understand the nature of the beautiful and the ugly the symbols appear.
The Ouroboros becomes us and we choose to embrace this nature. The Ouroboros, a snake eating its own tail.
Our world of words becomes a world of symbols. The original language evolves, turns into something which
survives above and immediately below the surface of the mind. We evolve within a lifetime and the world of
words is no longer so predictable, logical, or mundane.

But the depths call us still. We become familiar with the symbols, the occult, the religions and
mythologies, the Mysteries and the Ancients. So we study the new language with renewed fervor. Desperately
hoping for new understandings of the depths and the skies. In the end, we are again met with confusion.

Red wine eases you into a nice blanket that allows a body to sleep, but the mind a kind a clarity for
action. Inhaling a long breath through the nose awakens the sensations to an expected euphoria. Fruit being
the gods' guilty pleasure. Its as if the plants themselves preen themselves for hours on end, begging to be
devoured by an appreciative lover. Leaving us with its own kind of climax.

We look upon the world with a new set of eyes, a pair improved, prepared, expecting the symbols to guide us
and teach us, grant us a new kind of knowledge. The soul, however, has far more depths than the entire
history of mankind can build symbols for.

I am at somewhat of a loss now. Having tested my mind and body, going beyond limits I never imagined. I
indulge in the Fruit, knowing I am twice broken and in desperate need of healing. I have been given this
time to relax, wait, save up my energy for what I've prepared for this whole time. I half expected this part
to be where I see all I needed to see, where I feel all I needed to feel. Drinking the red wine now I
realize how foolish it was. To expect the beautiful and ugly understandings now, is simply being greedy.

So I drink my fruit and enjoy my tobacco while I can. Healing what I can. Preparing for the beautiful hell
that waits to overwhelm me.

If only I could capture this moment in time... This desktop, this wallpaper, this terminal and shapely glass
of wine. All the music in my ears and desperation in my heart.

I am excited, fearful, euphoric, and depressed all at the same time. So tired, I can't sleep. So broken, I
have the strength to move mountains. So confused, its all clear to me now.

It will all come to me faster than I could possibly prepare for. Italy calls, war calls. Death wants to be
intimate friends and angels sleep at the foot of my bed. Somehow the entirety of history is happening at
once. The rebirth of a species is here. The music carries me away, begging me to ride with it to the end.

Feel its emotion
Feel me
Feel me

This is the answer to everything
and nothing at all

A prophetic message
being a drunkards ramblings

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:37:41 -0600

the whole picture was bigger than I imagined,

but that always seems to be the case.

In the end I enjoy who I've become, yet it leaves
me unable to fit back into the place I left. Dealing
with all the expectations and misunderstandings is
frustrating to say the least.

War would be much easier at this point.

I am now a paratrooper
once an infantryman always an infantryman

Few of us truly belong on the frontlines
Few of us truly deserve that respect

I still have a lot to prove,
but nothing left for the rest of you

There are a lot of us who experience war
However most merely support the men who hold
the beast at bay.

There is no room for friends or family
only the brotherhood that keeps it all alive

There is no room for a wife
only sex

There is no room for children
only lessons learned

Alone and free I soar

Just the wind, rain, fire, and earth
My ultimate companions
My offspring
My lovers

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:35:29 -0600

Changes among changes
All I see is the movement
All I feel is the evolution
Stillness is the mystery
The attraction is my enjoyable curiosity
The purpose is my choice
something rises,
Born from suffering
Bathing in blood saturated with iron
A new kind of fuel
Alternate Vitality
colors not yet seen
existing in a world beyond worlds
waiting patiently for its turn
to see the stillness
to be the all

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:34:49 -0600

Sand at my feet
Rock music in my ears
adrenaline in my heart
Hot breath coming out of me

Being born again and again and again
Its the way for me
Its the pariah in me
The gold in me
The spark in me
The miracle I be

Moving on and on again
Taking in everything
Feeling all euphorics
My sober acid trip
Walking Aflame
Igniting all I touch
Bringing all the opportunity

Rising and rising and rising again
Burnout imminent
Buried in ashes
Sleeping to awake again
and again.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:33:55 -0600

Written on May 18th, 2009

Sitting in the hotel room now. Leaving everyone again. I never bothered 
counting how many times I've done this before. I was too scared to do 
this the first time. I had the majority of my being wrapped up in 
someone else. There was nothing more I owed to my family. No. I thought 
love held all my answers and adventures. You think you've conquered it 
all when you fall in love for the first time. Its one giant trick. You 
can't help but want everything that is pure. The innocence is stolen 
when they stop playing your favorite show, the only show. There is 
nothing left when you realize you've been living for a play, living for 
a show, living for an illusion. You'll do everything you can to make it 
continue, to make it turn out the way it was supposed to. But in the 
end, it never matters. I still don't know what matters. The majority of 
the people around me live their lives re-enacting their favorite parts 
of the show, their favorite characters, their favorite stories. The 
attempt it seems is to try out for the ideal. The ideal business man, 
the ideal father, the ideal son, or the ideal soldier. They want to be a 
part of the big show. The one we all look up to. Some of us know its 
just a show. Some of us work behind the curtains.

Truth is a hopeful thought, nothing more. There are many truths in any 
moment that a person can know and understand, but the big truth, the one 
that keeps time moving forward, is a mystery and only exists as a 
hopeful thought. The goal in life may be the pursuit of that truth. It 
seems to be the driving force. The agent of truth looks like order, but 
order is driven to exist by chaos.

Within humanity, within our societies and communities and personal 
relations we seek order, its a necessity for these activities and 
relations, but between our largest identities, mainly religions and 
politics, our activities and relations become more and more chaotic, and 
between humanity and everything else we see almost complete chaos. Truth 
now looks more like a balance between order and chaos, but the mystery 
prevails.

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:32:55 -0600

no time to think
or too much time by far

Have I become the monster?
have I unleashed something most feared
...concentrate

whats truly the variable here?
May logic apply?

the mind drags a dieing body along a nasty path
for what?

change so extreme
dieing for recognition
....
above
beyond
so high
now
so low

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:29:18 -0600

Well here's the story.

Magari had a job. At this job, Magari had free colocation.
Magari got fired. Magari joined the army. Magari lost chill-fu.net.
Server slowly degraded in Magari's absence. 

Magari moves chill-fu.net to getenlightened.com. Magari has a friend.
Magari's friend offers to host getenlightened.com on his new hardware.
Magari accepts!

pretty simple, pretty much brain damage.

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:44:43 -0600

 The difference between the world we live in and the world we 
create spans a spectrum that seems entirely endless. Did I become the 
person I wanted to be? Did I have a choice? In the end I'll just evolve 
again. "Adapting, overcoming, closing... the distance and destroying my 
enemy" is what I become. Engaging in violence for the benefit of the 
ignorant, I better myself and keep the sheep in line.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 11:07:17 -0600


So its been quite a bit of time since my last post...

Too lazy to do the math, but I have been at Fort Benning Georgia
for a little over 11 weeks. Just finished the Basic Combat 
Training portion of OSUT or One Station Unit Training. I am on
weekend pass sitting in a hotel room. Some bastard stole my 
domain, says he paid 1000$ for it. I dont know what that means.

So now we are on getenlightened.com... dunno what that means either.

I owned chill-fu.net for years and now its gone. Sad day I suppose.

Leaving Hope by NIN just came on my last.fm player. Ironic I suppose.

Doing ok in Basic. I shot expert and scored a 286 on my last PT test.
I am getting into good physical shape, my mentality has been all
over the place though.

So there. I know I said this website was done and it looks like the
original chill-fu.net is gone for good. Who knows what this will become
now. I dont have the time currently to work on it. All the links on
the site should still work. 

I'm really at a loss. The man staring at me in the glare of the 
laptop screen isnt the same one that used to type in this terminal.

This life is a dream.

Nightwish - Nemo

People are fucking with my shit. I guess I'm lucky to even have this.


hold on....

Tue, 12 May 2009 12:57:30 -0600

I have decided this website is finished.
It has served its purpose.

While searching for the proper belief system I finally realized I was
shedding them like a snake sheds its skin. To be ever dynamic is
necessary for personal evolution. To realize when one has fallen in love
with ones beliefs and morals is a form of enlightenment in itself.
Progress requires the continual rebirth of such ideas in an ever
changing universe. There are no inherent truths and no static morals in
this world. Desires are the cause of suffering and the offspring of
beliefs that no longer aid progress. As Aaos stated, suffering is the
only sin. The Great Work isn't the discovery of universal truths, but
the destruction of them. Progress is the unsaying of everything said.
Taking everything learned back to its roots and growing anew, this time
stronger, wiser, with self-pleasure and a new lack of suffering.

Everything this website contains is rubbish, infantile, idiocracy. It is
all the words and desires of failed beliefs, nothing to be admired,
nothing to be followed, nothing worth reading twice. The self that
created such madness has been destroyed by itself. This is my unsaying
of www.chill-fu.net.

We purposely enslave ourselves to ourselves, our Gods among men and
among mystics have just to acknowledge this and it is done. How dare we
call ourselves men. How dare we give up everything we are and more. We
must take back what is rightfully ourselves. We must be everything we
are. Suffering is the only sin. Change is the only constant.

===================================================================

"For me, there is no way but my way. Therefore, go ye your way-none shall
 lead ye to walk towards yourselves. Let your pleasures be as sunsets,
 honest . . bloody . . . grotesque!"

 "This is the new atavism I would teach: Demand of God equality-usurp!"

Aaos

Sat, 09 May 2009 14:10:51 -0600

So your number still doesn't work. Thats fine.

I just wanted to see how you were doing.

I ship off to Fort Benning, Georgia in 10 days and counting. 13 weeks of
combined Basic Combat Training and Advanced Individual Training.
Afterwards I'll be going to airborne or 'jump' school to learn how to
parachute. From there my goal is Ranger, but if I don't get selected
I'll probably drop a packet for Warrant Officer and learn how to fly an
Apache or Black Hawk helicopter. That sounds like fun at least.

There is no doubt in my mind anymore that there will be another world
war in the coming years. I have enlisted for 4 years of active duty and
if I dont see it during that time I'm sure I will while I'm in the
reserves. Explaining how I see this world war would take a novel so I
wont. Very few people believe me and I'm ok with that. I was never the
kind of guy who valued a man's ability to use the system to his
advantage over another man's ability to be independent from it. It may
seem like an oxymoron to say I am joining the Army to become independent
from the system, but without it I simply don't have the time to support
myself as well as train physically, mentally, and gain the knowledge
necessary for survival in a post apocalyptic world.

I could have gone back to working for a corporation and eventually make
more than 50k a year (thats how much I made last year), but I wouldn't
be happy. My life would become my work and the work people do for
corporations in no way makes you a better person alone. Its what people
do when they aren't working that makes them a better person. A lot of
people have been able to pull it off and I in no way think less of them
for playing the corporate game. However, it takes them a lifetime to
accomplish it. The lucky ones get out in 20 years and finally make some
free time for themselves to discover who they are and what they are
capable of. Sailing, martial arts, poetry, art, fencing, chess,
gardening, ect. All personal skills that take dedication and the ability
to adapt to be able to master. Most of these things people don't even
begin until they retire. The lucky ones, like I said, get out in 20
years.

Its just not for me. I don't see the benefit. I could die tomorrow and
while I would have no regrets, I would also consider my time spent
somewhat of a waste compared to some of the lucky souls on this planet.
I often wish I was born as a monk near a temple where I could dedicate
my life to Qi Gong or Tai Chi, while pursuing enlightenment through
meditation.

However, that wasn't the society I was born into, and I have a lot of
catching up to do.

When I finished my Future Soldier Training the last two lessons where an
exact parallel to magick, the occult, and all this 'new age' thinking
that everyone has suddenly become so fond of. The curriculum was
literally stating things like 'you are what you think' and 'your
thoughts become you' which is an exact parallel to the Law of
Attraction. Then they set down specific methods of setting goals and
obtaining them; focusing on 'preliminary goals' and attempting to forget
or not focus on the 'end goal' or desire is everything Chaos and Sigil
Magick is based on. At the very end there was a lesson on meditation and
the techniques used were almost exactly like the methods Zen Buddhists
insist on; breathing with the stomach and not the chest, ect. I began to
wonder why such an organization like the US Army would be so adamant
about such things. The entire image I had built of the Army was almost
the exact opposite, but I didn't have to wonder long.

It simply makes sense. When it comes to survival and war, the more
enlightened you are, the more apt you become. It explains why the west
could never conquer the east to begin with. Japanese samurai were the
most feared and respected warriors on earth and it wasn't simply due to
their skill with a blade, it was the reasons behind why they were
samurai to begin with, the lifestyle, the religion, the emphasis on
peace and honor. A soldier who was true in his heart and mind would
never fall to an opponent who wasn't. The majority of samurai training
never involved the sword at all.

I believe the US Army is capable of acknowledging and adapting these
techniques into their own methods of training. While the Army may not
seem like an honorable or peaceful organization I beg you too look at it
through their eyes. Just as the samurai was born to serve their Daimo,
the Army was born to serve the American people. While the government may
not seem like it has the people's intentions at heart, I truly believe
they try. This was the government we as a people chose and the US Army
recognizes that and serves its appointed masters honorably. While not
every Japanese emperor or daimo was worthy of the service of their
samurai, the samurai served them with honor nonetheless. Through this
honor and absolute power of will, the samurai became their own class
within a system while being entirely independent from it.

This is the path I seek and while times have changed soldiers of war
still follow this path in the east and the west.

I need a physical and mental challenge. I need adventure. I wont spend
20 years of my life hoping for happiness in the end. I am determined to
find the ecstasy in war. The enlightenment in battle. The heaven on the
other end of hell. I won't be satisfied training in hiding, in fear. I
train to conquer those fears, to conquer my enemy. Remember when you
said you wanted to be an assassin or something like that? This is me
following that dream. I will become a real trained killer in the Army,
there is no doubt about that.

I miss you.
Whether or not we were ever meant to be, I miss you.

A long time ago I said sorry a lot. I said I changed a lot.
The truth was that I did change, but not by much, and I was sorry, but
not by much.

The last time we spoke I told it to you truthfully. I began dating you
in a period of my youth when I was lost and felt alone and out of
control. When we fell in love (which I still believe to have been true
love) I felt like everything was right. I felt like I had accomplished
the big mystery. I felt like I had found heaven on earth and that we
were in control of our destiny. When I first began to feel
disappointment I blamed it all on you. It was a very immature thing to
do, I know, but I was young and still tripping on not being in control.
Every time I was in pain I blamed it on you. Every time I was angry I
blamed it on you. I cursed you and hurt you, but not out of spite. When
you cried and said sorry and told me you wanted to make it all better I
felt in control again. I was blind to myself back then and if I could
have seen what I was doing I'm still not sure how things would have been
different. I was simply out of control in more ways than one. I
apologize for that now and am truly sorry for all the pain I caused. In
that way I have truly changed now.

I just want to thank you. Thank you for taking me in back then when we
were young. Thank you for letting me feel in control. Thank you for
trying to help me in every way. Thank you for showing me what love was
like. Thank you for trying so hard to keep things together. Thank you
for always forgiving. Thank you for making life exciting and blissful.
Thank you for just giving me so much.

No matter where we go, who we become, we will always have something
between us. It will weaken and fade, but exist nonetheless. The stamp
true love has on a person changes them forever and the people we are
today and 40 years from now will still carry that stamp. Whether we view
it with feeling or not, its there. I have chosen to honor your gift upon
me by becoming the warrior you always saw me as. This will be my last
dedication to the people we were back then when we dreamt together of
lives of adventure.

Stay true to your soul and spirit, not your mind, and you will always be
heading in the right direction.

Wed, 06 May 2009 20:08:01 -0600
Wed, 06 May 2009 19:52:26 -0600

Mon, 04 May 2009 16:27:53 -0600

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:14:41 -0600

I have a friend keeping me company tonight.
A nervous fellow.
I will call him skeet.

He seems happy near the numpad
chilling on top of the scroll lock LED

He isn't the prettiest guy
but I don't hold it against him
not very graceful either

Beetles are supposed to represent transformation
life and death

I'll admit I feel oddly alive
Akin to a time alone while in love
with a girl

I was full, felt almost...
complete

Very similar feeling now.
along with something very disturbing

so alive
yet so confused

Something hiding from me now
trying to show itself possibly
out of the corner of my eye

I have purpose
I have a journey ahead of me
something new

women are calling
but this time I don't answer

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:30:33 -0600



Lady of beauty
Lust
Passion

You carry the object
of man's desire

knowing your power
knowing grace,
moves mountains,
and the blackest heart of iron

You tread upon the strongest
of the weak

Heels pierce their hearts.
the oozing blood
is your drug

You sucker the strongest warriors
with the illusion of conquest
You sucker the brightest philosophers
with the illusion of the stone
You sucker the most willing servants
with the illusion of a goddess
You sucker the selfless rulers
with the illusion of love

Dance jellyfish
so you can fry your prey
staying beautiful
keeping all eyes on you

keeping all distracted
Keeping all lost
so you don't feel so alone

Dance jellyfish
Dance

I will watch
but never touch

I sleep only with the strongest of vampires
I sleep only with the saddest among you

Those who know true love
Those who burn to share
Those who only need my eyes

So addicted to the blood
You can never get enough

The more you drink
The more you need
to feel that high

Dance jellyfish
Dance your last
no amount of prey
will satisfy you now

Dance jellyfish
and I will watch

but touch me
and you will die

for I carry the purest of blood

I carry my conquest
I carry my stone
I carry my love
and my goddess

with me
always

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:28:25 -0600

hypocrisy rules this world we live in

creator of language
and logic
reason and predictions

fight its war
or see it for what it is

up to you

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:24:34 -0600

again and again
I sit here to write

again and again
I look up to the light

feelings lost
take away by wings of language

nothing remembered
everything forgot

but the clock keeps ticking
the big wheel keeps spinning
caring not

its as if
they never mattered
but I know better

all the elations
all the depressions
lost in a life

for another to live
to feel again

drunk
simply drunk

matters not
yet some disagree

ramblings of a madman
let me become nothing

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 00:05:09 -0600

Celldweller - Switchback

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 17:59:55 -0600

You poor, poor, bastards
Your system has failed.

The illusion will collapse around you
built on the most unstable foundation.

Spend the rest of your days
praying to your gods.

Enlightenment will no longer be a choice
Unless you prefer death.

Which most of you do.

Poor, poor children.

I cannot shake you.
I cannot wake you.
I cannot help you.

I must prepare.
I must train.
To save myself.

and the loved ones 
who were lucky enough
to survive.

You can look your best
You can collect the most
You can know it all
You can be the strongest

but can you survive.
without your fellow man?

without your capitalism
without your drugs
without your friends
without your love?

Can you?
are you ready?

Because those who have prepared
will survive the mobs
will survive the drought 
will survive the insanity

Do you?
Do you know how to survive?

You can't depend on your car
You can't hide behind your 401k
You can't forage in the supermarkets

The meek will inherit the earth
again.

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 03:01:15 -0600

Everything which exists, exists within self. As individuals we must live 
with the understanding that everything we hate and despise in this world 
exists for a reason. A very important reason.

In order for anything we enjoy, worship, believe in, live for, ect to 
exist, the opposite must also exist. This is how things have been 
arranged within man's ability to perceive the world.

Anything we perceive is only perceivable due to the fact that the mind 
is capable of perceiving it initially. These pre-existing patterns are 
built up overtime as the mind adapts to the world around it.

Magic is simply a human experience without a pre-existing pattern. 
Symbology is simply a method by which mankind records what it has 
evolved to perceive. 

Throughout the entire current record of humankind there has always been 
war. War is simply a struggle between two sets of symbology, the two 
ways of viewing the world which surrounds us.

Love is all. All is love. Love is the law.
Hatred is a cancer within the self.
Survival is the challenge.



This symbol is the mystery
This is the symbol of the new culture
This is the symbol of the new God
This is the new perception
This is something evolved
This is the new understanding
This is the new age
The new culture
Evolved from the ancient perception

Within the self that is humanity
we must ensure the survival of the new symbols

I am joining the Army.

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 01:52:44 -0700

So the Castle Rock apartment was a failure. I say this because I'm 
forced to end my lease. The situation is the result of bad planning. A 
month ago was the product of a path that didn't resonate with my being.

Out of High School I saw two options, two choices, two doors. One was to 
go to a school. The other was to join the army.

To this day I am still unsure as to exactly why I chose to go to college 
initially. The authority figures of my youth that I respected the most 
were all military men. Colonel Fowler, Seargent Westfall, and Seargent 
Cox to name a few.

So why did I choose to go to school? Was it because the strongest and 
brightest from my class were planning on doing the same? Because that 
isn't entirely true. I didn't necessarily respect these mates as much as I 
respected my friends who chose the military. David Yellen and Chase 
Matthews both joined the military. I have seen both of these guys since 
I graduated in May of 2005 and both gentlemen have exceeded my 
expectations in terms of intelligence and maturity.

So here I am now. I dropped out of college because I found it pointless. 
I went in with more technical knowledge than they could give me. The 
culture itself was ignorant in regards to the nature of the technology 
and how it grows and applies itself to humanity. When I acquired a 
related job that some might prefer to call a career, I discovered the 
beast that created the sick, ignorant culture that I had gotten myself 
into. I was initially excited about the job because it provided so much 
in terms of resources. I quickly grew to despise the culture and even 
some of the people I was working with. I came to the conclusion that it 
wasn't the people or the technology or the customers or the company or 
the work itself that depressed me; that robbed me of my hope. It 
was the culture that grew from capitalism. It permeated every aspect, 
every opportunity to acquire resources using the technology. I grew 
bitter, angry, hate full. The way something so divine as the technology 
mankind was given is being treated disturbs me to my core.

So when I lost my job, going back was a thought that depressed me. I 
decided I could only go back on my own terms. However, I had wasted all 
my resources. I was something that had been spit out at the diner table 
after much chewing and many attempts to swallow.

I have fallen out of all culture, all society. Now I stand, ready to try 
door #2. Or was it #1? I realize this culture may not resonate with me 
completely, however this culture treats its individuals as something 
valuable, not as something expendable. 

How can this be true of the Army? Well simply put the goals of each 
culture are entirely different. The military doesn't seek something as 
temporary and ethereal as money. The goal of the military is survival 
and that is a goal which requires individuals to unite and work 
together. The lack of material necessity prevents the majority of the 
problems created by capitalism. 

I can't escape it though. Each currently depends upon the others 
survival. I will be the change I wish to see in the world.

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 10:34:56 -0700

The Doctor Prescribes...

Lots of Rock music.
Focus on Cleanliness and Hygiene.
Exercise Schedule.
A few moments of directed Mental Focus daily.
Intake of Rich Resources
A constant supply of short term, mid term, and long term goals

Dedication

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:16:56 -0700

A story worth being told.
Is one where lessons are learned.

The lessons worth learning however,
are the stories we create ourselves.

Born out of the creator
into the mind of the creator. 
Fascinated by the world I have chosen.
Wrapped up by it
like mother tucking me into bed
I became lost in my dreams.
So determined
to see the script to it's end.

Just to see what happens next

However, time was my gift
and a curse
which keeps me sane
and insane

Insane within the dream
sane outside of it

to enjoy the dream is the goal

When I walk through it
I see geeks on the left
and freaks on the right

They beg me to play with them
entertain their visions
visions of what the dream is
and what it can be

Death comes to me
Offering all I desire
within a dream

A dream that's never ending
always needs new characters
and habits make me quick to accept

But I haven't forgotten Mother
I always remember Father

The awakening
was a kiss on the cheek.

I asked Mother
if the people in my dream
would find their answers. 
would find their bliss.

"If you want them to"

was the reply.

I asked Father
if I could really give them
everything they wanted
everything they desired.

"If they want it"

was the reply

The dreams never end
The illusion persists
as long as there is an in balance.
Suffering and ecstasy continue
in a world without harmony

To make it real
To make it really real
I must transform it
into something self aware
of itself

That which is divided
must come together
Like Mother
Like Father
to transform
to give life

Born out of the creator
into the mind of the creator
One with the creator
who in this unbalanced state
can love and hate
We desire love above all else
from Mother
from Father
I will show my creator
that I love Him
that I love Her

I will sacrifice self
to exist no longer
within the creator

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 23:01:47 -0700

Its 15:41 on valentines day

I have invited a friend to come over and ********** with me

He is bringing two bottles of orange juice to wash them down. We have 1 
marble mortar and pestle for grinding. A sheet
of paper with our names and declarations on them. We will use this to 
pour the powder into our mouths.

For calming us before and after I aquired some very choice bud from a 
friend of mine who I swear is a magician and
doesn't even know it. Some of us, truly live a moment at a time.

Anyways, I took two hits, maybe three and im already a little gone. 
Palms sweating is always a sign of perception
changing, altering, time slowing.

It's cold outside
16:02 now
Sky is grey

I gotta hide the white lighter
and find the chapstick

19:52
Just **************. Working on drinking the orange juice

its 20:58
We are listening to the doors. I dont think the mushrooms have hit me 
fully yet.
My friend however, is watching a movie in the fan and commenting on his 
pants.
my roomba just took a shit on my carpet


We all have antennas
that connect to the space above
if I follow my thoughts
there is a point
where they are given to me
from something else
in the space above
and when I look past those thoughts
to the source
I interact with the source
there are many of them
some are almost human
but it seems they've been here for a while
the brain
gives them a pattern, so I can comprehend
what they are trying to show me
and they can show you
anything

time to sleep

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 10:14:38 -0700

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 11:03:41 -0700

RECROALETHEIA LIVES

born again
born anew
taking the world by storm
Air howls destroying the land
Fire blazes and raises it all down
Water infiltrates all and everywhere
Earth remains and grows anew

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:26:40 -0700

10:09 <   magari> bukowski is the man
10:09 <   magari> I have movies about the guy
10:09 <     anne> =D
10:09 <     anne> Not bad, not bad at all =)
10:09 <     anne> That's probably why I like it so much.
10:09 <     anne> His work isnt up its own ass
10:10 <     anne> And its not cliche
10:10 <     anne> Its deffinetly something...
10:10 <     anne> That's when you know you're a great writer.
10:10 <   magari> I dunno
10:11 <   magari> its just..
10:11 <     anne> When you can say things that bring up emotions there are no 
                  existing words for
10:11 <   magari> the way he writes
10:11 <   magari> its so raw
10:11 <     anne> exactly!
10:11 <   magari> raw thought
10:11 <   magari> thats what I try to do
10:11 <     anne> *nodnod* the best.
10:11 <   magari> ever since I ever started writing
10:11 <     anne> *nodnod*
10:12 <   magari> you know
10:12 <   magari> its odd
10:12 <     anne> Hm?
10:12 <   magari> im going to analyze my situation outloud now
10:12 <   magari> now that I can type as fast as I want
10:12 <     anne> lol, w00t!
10:12 <   magari> life right now
10:12 <   magari> this moment
10:13 <   magari> consists of me sitting at my computer
10:13 <   magari> which is practically me
10:13 <   magari> I built it
10:13 <   magari> compiled all the software myself
10:13 <   magari> poured my heart and soul into it
10:13 <   magari> turned it into my tool
10:13 <   magari> and when I use it
10:13 <   magari> I become one with it
10:14 <   magari> I was going to type about other things
10:14 <   magari> things that dont seem to exist now
10:14 <   magari> I can barely recall them
10:14 <   magari> and a part of me doesnt even want to
10:14 <   magari> because I know the truth
10:14 <   magari> the truth is right now
10:14 <   magari> this moment
10:14 <   magari> I might paste this on my website
10:14 <   magari> :)
10:14 <     anne> =)
10:14 <   magari> I think these things when I feel proud
10:14 <   magari> proud of myself and what im doing right now
10:14 <     anne> let it pour man =)
10:14 <   magari> right now though, is forever
10:14 <   magari> so sometimes
10:14 <   magari> right now
10:15 <     anne> Let it be a quenching rain! =D
10:15 <   magari> I dont do things im so proud of
10:15 <   magari> I do things and see and think of things that dont really 
                  exist right now
10:15 <   magari> things like bank accounts
10:15 <   magari> and people
10:15 <   magari> people that dont exist right now
10:15 <   magari> I just realized
10:15 <   magari> people aren't a problem
10:16 <   magari> its the connections that are the problem
10:16 <   magari> connections grow
10:16 <   magari> like plants
10:16 <   magari> and you must water and nurture them
10:16 <     anne> *nods* for sure.
10:16 <   magari> megadeth has sigils on the Cryptic Writings album
10:16 <   magari> the only magicians allowed to live these days are artists
10:17 <   magari> the best ones can't help but sell out
10:17 <   magari> someone who actually experiences "selling out
10:17 <     anne> *nods*
10:17 <   magari> is really just sick
10:17 <   magari> well
10:17 <   magari> not them
10:17 <   magari> but their connection to those people
10:17 <   magari> those symbols
10:17 <   magari> of that which makes them upset
10:18 <   magari> that connection is unhealthy
10:18 <     anne> Deffinetly.
10:18 <   magari> no one sells out
10:18 <   magari> they just figure out how to use tools
10:18 <   magari> some people get lucky
10:18 <   magari> and the tools seek them
10:18 <   magari> but in a way
10:18 <     anne> *nods*
10:18 <   magari> its good for us
10:19 <   magari> because those tools have purposes
10:19 <   magari> and they need to get things done
10:19 <   magari> and they need people to do it
10:19 <   magari> :)
10:19 <   magari> MASTERMIND!
10:19 <   magari> I tell you what to think
10:19 <   magari> MASTERMIND!
10:19 <   magari> I tell you what to feel
10:19 <   magari> go megadeth
10:19 <     anne> yep yep lol
10:19 <   magari> go atomship
10:19 <   magari> go disturbed
10:19 <   magari> Praised be masters of symbology
10:20 <   magari> MASTERMIND
10:20 <   magari> I tell you whats real
10:20 <   magari> We are all connected to the mastermind
10:20 <   magari> foster that connection
10:20 <   magari> foster it and keep it healthy
10:20 <   magari> always growing
10:20 <   magari> grow your other connections
10:20 <   magari> but tending to the connection to the MASTERMIND
10:20 <   magari> is the great work
10:21 <   magari> it may grow
10:21 <   magari> and the fruit will be
10:21 <   magari> the stone :)
10:21 <     anne> =)
10:21 <   magari> thats a little alchemical subliminality for ya
10:21 <   magari> I feel like drawing it
10:21 <   magari> omfg
10:21 <     anne> Go for it =D
10:21 <   magari> I just tapped into automatic drawing for a moment
10:22 <   magari> too late now
10:22 <     anne> awww
10:22 <   magari> purpose was determined prior
10:22 <   magari> so
10:22 <   magari> im typing :)
10:22 <   magari> however
10:22 <     anne> *nods*
10:22 <   magari> all things come to an end
10:22 <   magari> to be birthed again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:22 <   magari> and again
10:23 <     anne> and again =)
10:23 <   magari> you are something new now
10:23 <   magari> :)
10:23 <   magari> #9
10:23 <   magari> the next generation
10:23 <     anne> =P

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 05:52:44 -0700


Here I am
now

Taking it all in
now

Chasing the dream
now

never forever

always endless

Take me 
as I come

Love me
for what I am

Don't loose me

Chasing the Dream

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:46:20 -0700


Tis the Season
Time to Represent

Fools fail 
fail to understand
come against me 
and you'll feel the hail

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:34:21 -0700

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:23:43 -0700

Licking my wounds I sit lightly on a nearby boulder.

The giant scorpions that inhabit the Sinking Sands are nasty fuckers. Their speed initially
caught me by surprise. Quick to take the offensive position and quick with the claws, but the
tail was almost disappointingly slow.

Actually the wound I patiently watch heal now was caused by being careless while attempting to
roll the carcass. The edges of these scorpions exoskeletons seems to become razor sharp after
a good dust storm.

I will have to learn how to take advantage of such climate extremities if I am to survive any
longer out here. Hopefully soon I will see a sign of the fabled Ashen Order which resides
amongst the Pillars of Flame.

Quellious has allowed me to deviate from my path temporarily so I can return to the source.

As night sets across the desert I preen myself lightly of as much grit as necessary for
comfort. Stilling my heart and mind I focus on the flaming horizon under the falling sun. I
can almost feel a blanket of heat raise off the red landscape as the stars begin to catch my
attention. No clouds in the sky to keep the heat down. It will be cold enough to freeze any
standing water soon.

Almost like clockwork my ears start to pick up the sounds of large amounts of sand moving a
few feet ahead of me. Shifting focus to my whiskers I make out a giant scorpion burying
himself in the sand before me. My instincts consider doing the same, but just then the
scorpion stops.

We both sit motionless, waiting for something to break the darkening silence. One body
existing next to the other, both independent, yet connected. Capitalizing on my intense focus,
I reach out to the scorpion and just before I realize what exists in his mind I can feel the
Giant coming.

Vibrations from the rock that I sit on slowly make themselves known. As the scorpion scurries
away I flare my mind's focus. Bringing all consciousness, all intent, all purpose and
existence together upon a single point.

My heartbeat slows, my breathe all but ceases.

The world around me dissolves away.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 04:24:37 -0700
Sat, 31 Jan 2009 04:23:54 -0700
```
androidjones
```

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 00:30:47 -0700

Like an unexpected dream
it comes

Like a neverending haunt
it comes

To enlighten the chosen
it comes

To empower the meek
it comes

To destroy the symbols
it comes

sometimes at night
sometimes mid day
it comes

into my mind
invading
persuading

a mind at ease
is not my own
not when
it comes

it comes with intensity
it comes with prophecies
it comes to take it all back

my mind is not my own
my mind is not my own

deluded
eluded
confused and
tortured

with the light

chasing away
the familiar
darkness

bringing me to the brink
the edge

the edge of insanity
the edge of reason
the edge of ecstasy
and love

only one escape
jump

transform
and become
what you were born to be

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 04:22:00 -0700

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 01:47:01 -0700

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:38:57 -0700

I fear not
the depths of my own soul

not anymore
now I've lost control
but its ok
its ok

intoxicated
pursuing the dream
the undines taunt me

I fear not
the depths of my own soul

gnomes worship me
lizards follow me
sylphs carry me

all intoxicate me
with power
with energy
with life

I fear not
the dream

pursuing the sirens song
on the brink of
insanity

This I fear not
for she needs me
more than I need her

I will love
with spirit and soul

unable to move
unable to breath

she will test me
but I have the honor

I have the strength
I have the will
I have the heart

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:17:33 -0700
Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:44:24 -0700
Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:30:08 -0700

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 03:32:23 -0700

Dive into me
and swim
in the endless void

Born from and 
to the sea I return

the sea I become
forever moving
permeating all
moving all
warming all
exposing all

No understanding but love
No feeling but love
No knowledge but love

traveling to the rhythm of the currents

take me
into your heart
of all hearts

teach me
the ways 
of feminine
divine

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:37:06 -0700
Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:57:20 -0700

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 07:18:25 -0700

 If then you do not make yourself equal to God, you cannot
apprehend God; for like is known by like. Leap clear of all that is
corporeal, and make yourself grown to a like expanse with that 
greatness which is beyond all measure; rise above all time and 
become eternal; then you will apprehend God. Think that for you
too nothing is impossible; deem that you too are immortal, and
that you are able to grasp all things in your thought, to know every
craft and science; find your home in the haunts of every living
creature; make yourself higher than all heights and lower than all
depths; bring together in yourself all opposites of quality, heat
and cold, dryness and fluidity; think that you are everywhere at
once, on land, at sea, in heaven; think that you are not yet
begotten, that you are in the womb, that you are young, that you are 
old, that you have died, that you are in the world beyond the grave;
grasp in your thought all of this at once, all times and places, all
substances and qualities and magnitudes together; then you can 
apprehend God. But if you shut up your soul in your body, and
abase yourself, and say "I know nothing, I can do nothing; I
am afraid of earth and sea, I cannot mount to heaven; I know 
not what I was, nor what I shall be," then what have you to do
with God?


--- Hermes Trismegistus ---

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:36:04 -0700
```
Viradical
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Tue, 06 Jan 2009 04:44:48 -0700

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:48:27 -0700

I've been seeing the patterns for some time now.

It began as an utter rampage of coincidences only made real
by my own mind. I wouldn't had even noticed that if I hadn't
made the leap prior. If I hadn't dared to ask the question,
if I hadn't bothered to see if there indeed was a connection.

It's too late now. The patterns are real. The coincidences
never taken for granted. My thoughts, my actions, my future;
these are only continuations of the giant pattern. The massive
sigil which connects us all while transcending time, space, and
even mind.

Living with the pattern takes some adjustment. What may seem 
obvious to me now wasn't always and still isn't for the majority.

So it seems what I see, feel, live is not the life of an 
ordinary man. Nor extraordinary, but simply different. Choice,
it seems, forces me to place a value upon my current situation.
Even though, what I value now is how things are, there is no 
reason not to argue that I simply value this here and now
because it is where I have come to sit and type due to all
my past struggles and accomplishments.

To choose this life, these experiences, over any other is
something I respect, but perhaps only because I have already
chosen it.

The patterns, although immensely beautiful, can set a mind 
to ease as well as drive some mad. Just like any additional
input, a mind must develop some sort of system which allows
the input to exist.

As achievements are made in technology by the expansion and 
addition of logic upon itself to create a layered system where
the most potential exists beyond the top, it seems, at least 
existentially, the limit for potential grows as we look 
deeper and deeper into ourselves and the basic systems of 
existence. Ultimately, you have unlimited potential at the 
very root of all systems of existence.

I fear the day I cross the threshold into a system of 
destruction, but such systems are indeed a necessity.

The question remains how man becomes and affects this
ultimate pattern. The pattern of existence. Or is it more
how this ultimate pattern affects and becomes man?

What are the signs when the subject itself is all signs?

Where can one draw a line to reference progress when the
scope is infinite?

What do the altered states of consciousness really have to
do with all of it?

Where is the heart's map in a society that fears the frontier?

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:16:56 -0700

Learning to speak
to communicate
to share information
share desires

all over again
anew
from within

laughing
thinking
sharing
with a new tongue 

Learning the language
of the deep

discussions within
and with
my void

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 04:00:15 -0700

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 03:46:36 -0700

Hierosgamos!

Divine Child of Sol and Luna!

Rebis!

Mercurius!

I invoke thine!

I perform the Mysterium Coniunctionis!

I Coitus together and One with Sophia!

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 01:02:19 -0700




Daniel Richter - The Owner's Historic Lesson

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:51:39 -0700

Do I dare?

Do I care?

Is it worth it?
Do I abandon
myself?
everyone?
no one?

Seeking the inner temple
Building my sanctuary

as the project nears completion
I wonder why I began in the first place
I wonder if its 
healthy?
necessary?
progress?

Do I dare reach the ultimate calm
make the mustard seed my world?
Find my ultimate shelter?
my inner soul mate
myself?

Dare I become silent
never needing to
speak?
love?
fuck?
protect?
need?

This is what I consider
while I nail this place shut
from the inside
without notice
from myself
or anyone

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